The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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