Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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