the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
