from now on my penis is your penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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