She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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