I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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