You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
