Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
