at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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