I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize