woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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