How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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