Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
