quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
