he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
