why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
