there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I could fuck to npr.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
