yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
