I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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