Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
