I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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