I just cut my nipple shaving
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
