I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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