i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
