The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
