fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
