I'm so fucking centered right now
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
