fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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