they need to just BURY HIM!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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