I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
