well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
