It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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