I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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