remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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