Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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