You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
