yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
