or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize