my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize