He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN