No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED