I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water