dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...