Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?