why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
