Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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