There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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