I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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