we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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