im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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