Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

(269): View more from Michigan

Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

Fav 14 6640 1118
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(705): View more from Ontario

dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant

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(209): View more from California

she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.

Fav 8 1067 4653
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(870): View more from Arkansas

Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.

Fav 11 3014 1076
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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.

(648): View more from

100%

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(614): View more from Ohio

I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

You did. Then gave it to me.

Fav 0 38 14
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Where are you guys?

(336): View more from North Carolina

Drunk

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