I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
