I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
