hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
