I wish I could teleport
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
