Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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