Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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