so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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