I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who died my cat blue again?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
