He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
