Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
