oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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