a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize