Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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