I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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